Tuesday, 28 June 2011

Here we go again...

Well I never wanted to write this post. I wanted to write a nice happy one instead but I can't.

This morning I thought - well hoped - I was 11 weeks pregnant. I had an abdominal scan and when they said they would have to do an internal one "to get a better picture" I just knew it would be bad news. It wasn't my first sign of trouble. On Saturday I had some light bleeding but it stopped and I have had none since so I kept on hoping. But there was no heartbeat. The pregnancy only measured 7-8 weeks. Now I know why I never felt very pregnant...

Tomorrow I am going to go for an ERPC. Again. Two in six months - maybe they can give me some kind of frequent customer card?

I really wanted some happy news today. Two miscarriages after losing Orson seems so unfair.

I just keep thinking of Orson and how had he survived he would be coming up to a year right now and in all probability we would never have tried to have more children.

I really wanted to be pregnant on Orson's anniversary...

I wanted to stop feeling pangs of sadness when I see pregnant women.

Right now I am mad with life. I know things will feel better someday. Just wish it was today.


  1. I'm so sorry. The universe just keeps kicking you when you're down. Not fair. Here's hoping good things come your way, and soon. Sending you peaceful thoughts.

  2. Damn. This is terrible. I'm not sure I've ever read your blog, but happened upon it through a link.

    I had a stillbirth in December and had a miscarriage June 2. Now we're trying again and not listening to doctors because I am working on two losses and clearly no one knows what to tell me.

    I'm so sorry. Just want you to know you aren't alone. We're only at 7 months out, but two losses. Really terrible.

    Considering all the blood drawls I've had (hcg drops, post stillbirth workup, etc.), I half wanted to ask the same thing--- can I have a frequent customers punchcard? Makes sense, right? I feel like I need discounts for this crap.

    So sorry. :(

  3. I am so sorry. There isnt the words to describe how much this sucks, how unfair it is. Wish I cold do more than send Emoticons, and simulated hugs...

    Hugs anyway hun.