The GP was strangely positive about things. She said it was good that we didn't know why Orson died and my waters broke. As you can imagine I didn't agree saying if we knew maybe we could do something about it next time. However her point of view was that if we knew maybe we couldn't do anything and maybe it would mean there was a high chance it would happen again. I am not entirely sure that lack information is good. She went on to say that as far as she is concerned she thinks physically there is no reason why we can't try to conceive whenever we are emotionally ready. She thinks the consultant will agree.
But whilst the appointment itself was good arranging it was not. I originally went for the appointment last week. But my surgery mostly does walk in appointments. When I turned up they said I would have to wait over an hour to be seen and I couldn't be bothered so asked to book an appointment for this week. My surgery does baby check appointments with postnatal checks. When I asked for a postnatal appointment the receptionist kept trying to make a baby check one for me too. She eventually asked outright "has your baby been checked?" I had no choice but to say in front of a long queue of listeners and of course a very quiet waiting room where everybody could hear "no he was stillborn."
I coped by staring expressionless at the receptionist. It wasn't until I got home that I cried. I hate to say the word "stillborn" and it hurt to have to say it in these circumstances. I am feeling much more positive now (I wasn't for the rest of that day).
