Wednesday, 26 October 2011


Trying to conceive.

Trying to get pregnant

Trying for a baby

One thing they all have in common is the word trying. Trying is included in these phrases because there is a chance you might not succeed. Those of us trying to get pregnant are all too aware of this.

I decided to research euphemisms for trying to conceive (30 seconds on Google searching for "euphemism trying to conceive.") I didn't do too well but instead found an article which was kind of funny. If you have ever spent some time trying to conceive you may find this funny too so I thought I would share it with you. The full article can be found here. I am in no way trying to imply that the article or website is at all factually correct, hopefully you know I know it is not. My intention is not to offend only merely to make you laugh. It was just the start of the article that I found funny and so that is what I have reproduced below for you:

Breathe: A Guy's Guide to Pregnancy
By Mason Brown

Trying to Get Pregnant

Getting pregnant doesn't just happen. You have to work at it (unless you're dating an unwed teen, in which case pregnancy can occur via contact with a doorknob).

Amazingly enough, science has proved beyond doubt that the odds of conception are inversely proportional to the desirability of conception. A simple graph renders this concept easy to grasp.

This immutable law of nature results in a curious corollary — the more financially successful a couple is, the more likely they are "trying" to have a baby. "Trying to have a baby" is a euphemism for "rogering like feral weasels," which is in turn a euphemism for "having sex often."

Some couples proudly announce that they are trying to have a baby without realizing that they are presenting an unsavory visual picture to their audience, who immediately conjure up the image of the naked wife doing a headstand while her husband cheers his mighty swimmers onward. More often than not, this visual image is uncannily accurate.

Still others try to conceal their efforts, feeling that failure to conceive reflects badly on themselves. Unfortunately for these shy souls, it is all too easy to tell when a couple is really making an effort. In such cases, one or more of the following symptoms will appear:


Heightened desire to watch SportsCenter


Normal post-coital glow replaced by grim attitude of soldier in the trenches
Constant concern over husband's choice of briefs rather than boxers
Neck strain from standing on her head after sex

Obviously, if a couple would really, truly make good parents, then all efforts to conceive are rendered futile. Nature abhors functional families. So, if you really want your wife to get pregnant, forget fertility clinics — institute divorce proceedings. Just remember to have one last drunken, abusive fling before separating. You'll be a daddy in no time.

Saturday, 22 October 2011

Counselling verdict

My Consellor's verdict today - my well being is a bit low. Or to put it in English I'm a bit sad. Of course I had already noticed this.

I have had 11 sessions now and will not have any more. The sessions are provided by a charity and are supposed to be short term, normally just 10 but I was given an extra one. To be honest I am not sure continuing them would be all that beneficial any way. I think I would be just going over a lot of the same issues, or variations of the same issues. Talking about the issues again and again isn't going to change them.

I have to admit I was a bit sorry to stop having counselling. It has been nice knowing that I could tell the Counsellor my lowest of feelings and that I could talk about Orson and the miscarriages knowing that she wouldn't judge me. Or that if she did she wouldn't say she did. She reassured me that my feelings are completely normal.

But has it helped me? I did a test on my first day of counselling and I repeated it today. The test judges how you are feeling on a range of subjects. My scores 11 sessions later were almost identical. Everything is within normal ranges apart from my well being which scores lower than average, essentially I am sadder than the average person.

I was kind of hoping the counselling would be some kind of miracle cure for feeling sad. But it hasn't been. My conclusion? There is no cure. That in itself makes me a little sad. But I believe it will get better. I think time just happens, and as time happens life happens and slowly, very slowly it gets easier to cope. Counselling whilst helpful isn't a shortcut for time.

Wednesday, 19 October 2011

A story: Mr K's bad mood

When I was in my very early twenties a friend told me a story about someone we knew who I will call Mr K. She explained that he was in a bad mood. He was in a bad mood every month because his wife got upset when she got her period. My friend had to spell it out to me - Mrs K was upset because getting her period meant she was not pregnant. The couple had no children.

I was young, I had just left university and although I was in a relationship with S we were years away from thinking about having children. It was a bit of a revelation to me that to someone trying to get pregnant getting your period wasn't just a minor inconvenience. Even after my friend had explained the situation I don't think I truly understood how upset the couple might have been. They could just try again next month right? And what difference is a month or two anyway? And isn't it easy to get pregnant - isn't that why people use contraception?

At some point (I am afraid I am hazy on time scales) I remember signing a card for Mr and Mrs K and we gave them flowers. Mrs K had miscarried. It took years but eventually they adopted two children. They finally got their family.

At the time I never fully appreciated how hard it must have been for Mr and Mrs K to try for a baby for such a long time, to miscarry, to continue to try and fail, to apply for adoption and to wait to see if they would get any adopted children. I also want to add that I didn't know Mr K very well and never met his wife (just to defend my young self a little for my ignorance).

I haven't thought about Mr and Mrs K in years, but the other day when I got my period I found myself remembering my friend's story about Mrs K being upset at getting her period. Whilst I am sure that even now I do not fully appreciate how difficult Mr and Mrs K's journey to have a family must have been, I do feel that I have much more of an understanding now. And I certainly get how getting your period is upsetting if you are trying to get pregnant.

Image: dan /

Saturday, 15 October 2011

International Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day

October 15th is International Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day. You can read more about it here.

I wanted to commemorate today in some way so asked women who have lost babies from a couple groups I use regularly on Facebook and SANDs if they would like me to publish their babies' first name and date of birth on my blog along with Orson's name and date of birth. I was overwhelmed by the response I got. It is so sad to see such a long list of babies names.

Aidan - 23 March 2004
Aiden - 7 April 2011
Aimee - 28 October 2010
Alessia - 28 June 2011
Alexis Ryann - 4 April 2011
Alexzander-James - 28 April 2011
Alfie - 25 January 2011
Amaranth - 26 August 2011
Amira - 31 July 2010
Andrew - 5 August 2011
Angel Kinney - 5 October 2010
Angel Mendoza - 22 March 2011
Angel Sanders-Knight - 6 April 2011
Arthur - 14 April 2010
Ashley - 27 June 2011
Ayden Simon - 31 May 2010
Baby Bump - 3 April 2011
Baby Folk - 23 September 2011
Baby Garside - 30 September 2011
Bella - 23 June 2007
Blake - 14 August 2011
Brandon Ty - 1 July 2011
Brandt Michael - 17 April 2011
Brayden - 17 April 2011
Briella Elisa - 31 March 2011
Caelan Matthew - 20 June 2010
Claire - 29 May 2011
‎Connor - 23 March 2004
Daniel - 25 December 2010
Daniel - 9 March 2011
Dexter - 3 September 2009
Dusty Ayres - 28 August 2010
Dylan - 6 September 2011
Edward - 9 June 2011
Elijah - 27 September 2011
Eliza - 11 July 2011
Ella - 20 June 2011
Ella - 31 August 2011
Ellie - 10 August 2010
Elliot - 17 September 2010
Elvin - 28 May 2011
Emerson Louise Marie - 4 March 2007
Emily - 1 October 2010
Emily Jessica - 6 September 2010
Esmée - 5 July 2010
Ethan - 20 November 2010
Evelie Belle - 24 August 2011
Faith - 17 September 2010
Finn - 17 September 2010
Florence Valentine - 22 October 2009
Freddy - 2 March 2011
Freddy - 4 February 2011
Gideon - 30 March 2011
Haeven 11 October 2009
Harry Edward - 19 October 2010
Holly - 8 July 2011
Ilyas - 31 July 2010
India - 17 January 2009
Isaac - 17 April 2011
Isaac - 22 September 2011
Isaac - 24 November 2010
Isaac - 9 April 2011
Isabella Blake - 24 August 2010
Isabelle - 24 January 2011
Jack - 26 April 2010
Jake - 3 February 2011
Jamie - 8 February 2011
Jamison - 20 November 2010
Jayden - 5 February 2004
Jenson Matthew - 6 October 2010
Jess James - 15 September 2009
Jordan - 14 May 2011
Joseph - 23 October 2010
Julian 1 August 2006
Keira - 4 April 2011
Kelton - 28 December 2010
Khloe Jayden - 18 May 2011
Kyle Matthew 11 September 2010
Lavae - 13 November 2010
Leo - 27 September 2011
Lilly - 20 June 2011
Lily - 5 October 2011
Lily - 27 December 2010
Logan - 25 September 2009
Lucas - 6 July 2011
Madeline - 17 August 2010
Maeve - 14 September 2010
Matilda - 17 April 2010
Matthew - 27 June 2011
Mia - 23 April 2011
Michael - 20 February 2011
Morgan Nicholas - 28 August 2011
Nicholas - 10 June 2010
Noah James - 27 June 2011
Nyah - 17 July 2011
Oliver - 13 November 2009
Oliver - 18 September 2010
Örlygur - 8 April 2011
Orson - 9 July 2010
Paige - 2 October 2010
Pearl - 9 January 2011
Rhiannon Elise - 25 June 1993
Robert - 14 December 2010
Rory - 14 August 2011
Samuel - 24 November 2010
Sarah - 19 June 2006
Sofia Christina - 27 March 2010
Sophia - 3 February 2011
Sonny - 26 June 2011
Taylor - 30 August 2011
Thomas - 9 August 2011
Tilly - 31 May 2011
Tobi - 15 January 2011
Unknown Angel Baby - 13 January 2010
William - 5 August 2011
Zoey - 24 April 2011

Sunday, 9 October 2011

Not this week.

I find it easiest to remember the sad times. I concentrate on them and forget about the ordinary moments that are the happy times. But not this week.

Day one: A meal out with S (with M at home with my parents) followed by a drink in a pub.

Day two: Breakfast out with S, M and my parents followed by a long walk with S and M enjoying the unusual sunshine and autumn leaves.

Day three: Sitting on a picnic blanket with M in the sunshine reading him books.

Day four: Meeting S for coffee after work, just before picking M up from nursery.

Day five: M running up to me whilst I am on my lunch break at work. He was delighted to see me and tell me about his bus ride with S to meet me.

Day six: Looking at the fish in the aquarium with M.

Day seven: Picking M up from nursery and hearing his teacher tell me how he had been able to recognise all the letters of the alphabet that day and how impressed she was to see him write his name on the board.

Image: Paul /