Not much hope

Well I am still here. Now 34 years old. My birthday was just over a week ago. I was 31 when I got pregnant with Orson and 32 when he was born. Seems like such a long time ago.

Nothing much has changed in my life lately. I am still not pregnant. Beginning to think it will never happen. When I lost Orson in July 2010 I found so many blogs of women who had also lost babies - most have either had babies since then or are now pregnant. It is the same with women I have met in forums. It gets very hard hearing so much good news when I don't have any to share myself.

I am trying to be positive. Trying to concentrate on the future. But I cannot escape the fact that my life isn't how I would like it and there is nothing I can do about it. I am trying to concentrate on Christmas. But I remember the last two Christmases. I discovered I was pregnant with Orson around Christmas time two years ago. I found out I was pregnant again about this time last year. At Christmas I had so much hope for this year. 2011 was going to be a very good year. But instead it has been very poor. Two miscarriages and six months since my last one and right now I am still not pregnant. I want to believe 2012 will be a good year but right now I don't have much hope for it.

What is the point of this blog?

Blogs should have themes. I read that somewhere. So what is my theme? I think it is going to be constantly changing. And I already have more than one theme. Hmmm not great but i never said this was going to be a great blog! At the moment the themes are:

1) To help others going through pPROM. I hope the pPROM section of my blog (from May to July 2010) helps other women looking for pPROM stories.

2) To help me remember my pregnancy with Orson. I don't want to forget any of it.

3) To help me. I will use this blog to record my views, feelings, opinions, ramblings... In fact anything I fancy. Some of my entries will no doubt be serious, some mundane and others trivial.

As I said in my last entry I have been looking at other blogs. I never knew there were so many. One I came across is The Baby Plan. Ms Baby Plan asked her readers to answer at least one of eight questions she posed. I'm answering two.

1. Who inspires you? Lots and lots of people... Sticking with a pPROM theme I will say women who have been through the loss of a baby due to pPROM and go on to have another pregnancy afterwards. I have heard many stories on forums and blogs. I understand how terrified they must be, but they show me that maybe it is possible.

Would I cope without chocolate? (Image:Suet Iman/FreeDigitalPhotos.net)

2. How do you relax in this hectic world? This answer falls into that trivial category I mentioned earlier. I relax by watching tv, eating nice food including chocolate (I don't know how I would cope without chocolate!) and playing with M. There is nothing like watching a two year old laugh to make you happy.

pPROM Blogs

I added a new page to my blog at the weekend listing lots of pPROM blogs I have found. I had never heard of pPROM before it happened to me. I suppose that is common as it is so rare, I think it happens in 2 - 3 % of pregnancies. And then of course it happens a lot later when the baby has more of a chance. But it has surprised me just how many women who have experienced pPROM write blogs.

I hope that anyone who is currently going through pPROM might find the new pPROM blogs page useful. I would also recommend looking at the web links I have listed too. The Kanalen site is very useful with lots of stories of pPROM successes and losses. The forums I list are also great too. I found it really useful to meet other women going through pPROM at the same time as me. I still find them a great help.