I have always been a worrier. And I worry about M much more now that we have lost Orson. Like everybody, I have heard of incredibly rare and scary situations where children get seriously ill or die as a result of minor illnesses or injuries. I know these situations are rare but because I have lost a baby I now realise that rare horrible things can happen and they can happen to me.
It is best not to think about worst case scenarios when it comes to illness. Much better to be sensible and calm but there is a part of me that just cannot be calm and sensible. A part of me that worries too much and then sometimes my mind gets carried away and I fleetingly think about the worst case scenario. Usually it is at that point I have to stop my mind wondering because that just CANNOT happen. It is not an option that I will contemplate.
Do not worry, M does not have a serious illness. And I am going overboard to make my point. When M is ill I am not constantly worrying about the worst case scenario. But I know I worry more about him now. So when he hits his head when he falls off his scooter I Google "head injuries in children" and watch him like a hawk for signs of trouble. And when - like right now - he has a fever and is vomiting I find myself Googling again and taking his temperature a little too often... just in case.