I am going to admit a feeling I am not too proud of. The feeling of being left behind.
A year and 2 months after losing Orson I sometimes feel like I am left behind. Women I have met online who lost babies around the same time as me have gone on to have new babies. And here I am with no new baby and I am not even currently pregnant. Will I ever catch up?
Even the celebrities who lost babies in the last year, such as Lily Allen and Amanda Holden are now pregnant. How do they do it so quickly?
I am afraid the left behind feeling is not a nice one. It is a feeling of jealousy, envy, self pity and sadness all mixed together. Yes I am happy for them. They deserve their rainbows. But I do feel like having a tantrum and screaming that "it's not fair" and "when will it be my turn."
I hear your frustration! After the loss of my son Noah I was told I had to wait a minimum of a year to attempt to get pregnant again (had a C-section with a lot of problems) or run the risk of this happening all over again. We also have some fertility problems so I know that it will be years before we bring another child into this world. I pray for some peace for your heart and positive pregnancy tests in your near future.
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