One thing the past year has taught me is that in the case of fertility and pregnancy related problems you really cannot tell what a person has experienced just from looking at them.
Perhaps the 40 year old with no children just never wanted kids, maybe she never met the right man, maybe she has been pregnant and lost her baby or maybe she cannot get pregnant. In the last three cases the women probably acts like the first women. Unless you know her well you will probably not be able to categorise which category she fits into.
So what possesses those of us who have infertility / pregnancy related problems to act like the women who never wanted children (or in my case the women who only wants one child). I have been wondering a bit about this lately.
So more specifically why do I often act like Orson never existed?
Because I think:
- that is how I should behave.
- strangers would choose not want to know about Orson.
- friend's and family already know how I feel and don't really want to hear about it again, it might upset them or make them uncomfortable.
- it would upset me to talk about Orson.
- people think I shouldn't be so obsessed over a year on.
- it's easier.
So a week ago at a child's party when the grandmother of the birthday boy asked if we "had any more children at home" I said no which is of course the truth, but even if she had said "is M your only child?" I would have answered yes. And why? For all the reasons above.