Monday, 29 August 2011

Moving on

Is it possible to "move on" after losing after losing a baby?

I hate that phrase, to me it sounds almost like forgetting or not thinking about Orson any more. I don't want either. The idea makes me want to burst into tears.

I have been told moving on means thinking of the future. If that is the case then to me the nearest to moving on I can do would be to have another baby but that is proving hard.

So since I cannot do what I think moving on is does this mean I am failing to progress with life? I don't think so. I think mostly I am okay now (my new okay), I get sad and have bad days but they are becoming rarer.

With my Counsellor this week I found myself talking about moving on and then I found mysef talking about my life and not just losing Orson. It was interesting. Found myself thinking about what I did before I had M. It has made me think maybe some of the things I used to want I might still want. I used to run, maybe I should start to run again (that would also help with the fitting into my old clothes issue I also have). What about my job? It doesn't mean as much to me as it used to, am I okay with that? Do I want to go out more? Should we get more child care for M so me and S can go out more together?

I am not going to change all of these things at once, and some of them I do not want to change but I am starting to think that maybe I need to change something. My counsellor suggested picking one thing (her suggestion was running) and try that. I am almost at the stage where I think she is right. In theory I totally agree it is just a matter of getting over my lazy streak. Running is hard, watching television and eating bad food is easier. But feeling better about myself would be great. And being healthier has got to be good for trying to get pregnant too. I have almost convinced myself. Almost.

So for those of you who have had a loss, have you moved on? Is it possible? What does moving on mean to you?

Image: renjith krishnan /

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