November's topic is / was: It's easy to focus on all the negative things that come from losing a baby, but have you discovered any 'blessings in disguise' throughout your journey? What can you find to be thankful for related to your loss?
My problem with November's topic is I really cannot see any blessings in disguise. There are no positives. None.
At first I thought of one immediately. The 10 weeks after pPROM but before we lost Orson meant I could not fully look after M. As a result my parents and S's parents helped out. Both my Mum and S's actually stayed with us at different times. As a result M became very close to them. I love that bond he has developed.
However that isn't a blessing in disguise resulting from my loss, it is a blessing resulting from pPROM. It happened before Orson died after all and had he survived M would have been just as close to his Grannies.
So what else is there that could be a blessing? Everyone says this type of loss often brings couples closer together. Am I closer to S now? Hmmm we were already close, and yes we are still close. So not really a blessing.
My only other thought is blogging and the online communities I have come across. But I had discovered this before I lost Orson. I read lots of blogs after I had pPROM and the 10 weeks after. Yes I have discovered a lot more great people who have also suffered losses. Many have inspired me and these amazing women have helped me to cope these last few months. But to me that doesn't feel like a blessing. It is like medicine tasting a nice fruity flavour, the flavour just makes the medicine easier to swallow.
|Fruity flavouring just makes medicine taste better, it isn't a blessing in disguise. (Paul / FreeDigitalPhotos.net)|
After all this writing and thinking I just have to conclude there just isn't a blessing in disguise resulting from Orson's death.