Heartbroken for Emily

Right now I am heartbroken for a fellow blogger. Emily is currently 17 weeks pregnant in a pregnancy after pprom where sadly her son Aidan died. Her waters have just broken again.

You can read her blog here.

Why is life so cruel? To have this happen twice... I just don't want to imagine it.

Please join me in supporting Emily.

Thank you Google

Is Google a help or hindrance? I like to think a help but sometimes I wonder...

No matter what problem I have I Google it. I no longer know how I coped before the Internet. Is it sometimes it is unhelpful?

Nowadays we can all self diagnose illnesses and medical conditions thanks to Google. During all my pregnancies I have googled various things. But never "labour" or "birth" - I have never been that brave.

So what do I Google when pregnant? "chance of miscarriage," "bleeding," "discharge," "pain in abdomen when pregnant," and of course now "pprom" and "stillbirth." I am never going to be one of these women who Googles "what baby equipment should I buy?"

And what do I Google now when I am not pregnant? I find myself learning all about trying to conceive... Not the fun side of that but "Luteal phase," "signs of ovulation" and "chance of getting pregnant."

So I now know that my "Luteal phase" may be short (but not abnormally short) this may or may not affect my "chance of getting pregnant" and I may not actually know how long it is anyway because the "signs of ovulation" are hard to interpret. My "chance of getting pregnant" is 30% in a cycle and just about everything from drinking coffee to stress to possibly what colour socks I wear influences my chance.

Was it easier without Google? What do you think? Certainly I would have more time to spare if I didn't have Google...

Apathy

Would love to say my lack of posts was because I am too busy enjoying life going on fantastic holidays etc but I think apathy is closer to the truth.

I have lots I want to write I just don't seem to get round to it.

Need to blog more...

Maybe this is normal after all

Image from BBC News

Of course it could all be in my imagination but I often feel like people either assume I am back to my old pre-Orson self or if they think I am not then they assume I should be. Yes I act relatively normal and if you ask I probably even say I am okay but I am still not as okay as I used to be even eight months on.

So I was pleased to see this article yesterday. The article reports a study of levels of depression and anxiety for women in and after pregnancy and says,

"The UK/US team found women who had lost a baby in the past experienced significantly higher levels of anxiety and depression during their next pregnancy.

This continued nearly three years after they gave birth to a healthy baby."

It is nice to read an article which suggests that maybe my feelings are normal despite what I might think (rightly or wrongly) people's perceptions of how I should feel are.

I don't think you ever get over losing a baby but I like to think there will become a time when I do not get so upset so often, when maybe I can think about Orson without having to suppress the feeling of wanting to burst into tears. Okay so that is a little dramatic and it is not that bad all of the time but sometimes it still is.