Day 2 - A TV program that I have been able to get lost in whilst watching

Every day this week I am posting something trivial, fun and happy. Things that have distracted and entertained me since Orson died three months ago. To see why read my post from 8th October 2010.

A TV program that I have been able to get lost in whilst watching is True Blood. Very silly program that doesn't make sense but it is fun and distracting. I missed it on television but heard it was good so bought the first two series on dvd. Here are the opening credits from Youtube:

Day 1 - An album I have loved listening to

Every day this week I am posting something trivial, fun and happy. Things that have distracted and entertained me since Orson died three months ago. To see why read my post from 8th October 2010.

An album I have loved listening to recently is Far by Regina Spektor, here is a Youtube video of her singing Eet live from that album:







I don't remember hearing this album before I lost Orson but think we had it back then. Right now it is one of my favourites. Sorry can't really describe why I like it or analyse it, I wouldn't make a good reviewer!

UK Baby Loss Awareness Week 9th to 15th October

In the UK 17 babies are stillborn or die shortly after birth every day (ref: SANDs). In the UK stillbirth is defined as death of a baby before birth at 24 weeks gestation or above. In England and Wales 5 out of every 1000 babies are stillborn (just over 3000 a year) (ref: NHS Direct).

www.babyloss-awareness.org

15th October is International Babyloss Day and various UK charities are commemorating the week leading up to this day. They are calling it Babyloss Awareness Week.

To commemorate UK Babyloss Awareness Week I wanted to do something with my blog. I have come across lots of blogs by women who have lost babies who have posted on their blog every day for 30 days with a list of posts. Some bloggers have adapted them to reflect their loss. Whilst I think that is a fabulous idea I know I couldn't realistically manage to update this blog daily for 30 consecutive days but thought I might manage 7, one post for every day of Babyloss Awareness Week.

So what to post? I started thinking about it and decided to adapt the original 30 post idea as seen in This girl will never be the same's blog which is:

Day 1 - your favorite song
Day 2 - your favorite movie
Day 3 - your favorite television program
Day 4 - your favorite book
Day 5 - your favorite quote
Day 6 - 20 of your favorite things
Day 7 - a photo that makes you happy
Day 8 - a photo that makes you angry/sad
Day 9 - a photo you took
Day 10 - a photo taken over 10 years ago of you
Day 11 - a photo of you recently
Day 12 - something you are OCD about
Day 13 - a fictional book
Day 14 - a non-fictional book
Day 15 - your dream house
Day 16 - a song that makes you cry (or nearly)
Day 17 - an art piece (drawing, sculpture, painting, etc)
Day 18 - my wedding/future wedding/past wedding
Day 19 - a talent of yours
Day 20 - a hobby of yours
Day 21 - a recipe
Day 22 - a website
Day 23 - a youtube video
Day 24 - where you live
Day 25 - your day, in great detail
Day 26 - your week, in great detail
Day 27 - your worst habit
Day 28 - what's in your handbag/purse
Day 29 - hopes, dreams, and plans for the next 365 days
Day 30 - a dream for the future

But I am going to concentrate on things that have happened since we lost Orson. But I do not want it to be a list of sad things instead I want to write about happy things. So that means superficial trivial things that have made me happy in the last three months. Here's my list:

Day 1- an album I have loved listening to
Day 2- a TV program that I have been able to get lost in whilst watching
Day 3 - a recipe I enjoyed cooking
Day 4 - a book I loved reading
Day 5 - photos that made me smile
Day6 - a purchase that made me happy
Day 7 - a trip away from home that I enjoyed

I start tomorrow. Exactly three months after Orson died.

Postnatal appointment

I finally had a postnatal appointment at my local GP surgery yesterday. As I expected all seems well with me physically. The doctor noted that I have cervical erosion (though she called it an area of cervical ectropian, apparently nobody calls it cervical erosion anymore). She thinks that is why I have had spotting. I haven't had any in the last few weeks so hopefully it won't be a problem anymore. Cervical erosion is very common and nothing at all to be concerned about. I read somewhere that a lot of women on the pill or pregnant have it to some degree and never know about it.

The GP was strangely positive about things. She said it was good that we didn't know why Orson died and my waters broke. As you can imagine I didn't agree saying if we knew maybe we could do something about it next time. However her point of view was that if we knew maybe we couldn't do anything and maybe it would mean there was a high chance it would happen again. I am not entirely sure that lack information is good. She went on to say that as far as she is concerned she thinks physically there is no reason why we can't try to conceive whenever we are emotionally ready. She thinks the consultant will agree. 

But whilst the appointment itself was good arranging it was not. I originally went for the appointment last week. But my surgery mostly does walk in appointments. When I turned up they said I would have to wait over an hour to be seen and I couldn't be bothered so asked to book an appointment for this week. My surgery does baby check appointments with postnatal checks. When I asked for a postnatal appointment the receptionist kept trying to make a baby check one for me too. She eventually asked outright "has your baby been checked?" I had no choice but to say in front of a long queue of listeners and of course a very quiet waiting room where everybody could hear "no he was stillborn."

I coped by staring expressionless at the receptionist. It wasn't until I got home that I cried. I hate to say the word "stillborn" and it hurt to have to say it in these circumstances. I am feeling much more positive now (I wasn't for the rest of that day). 

Ms T

A year ago today Ms T had open heart surgery to repair a whole in her heart. I remember being so scared for her. But a year later she is doing brilliantly.

I think she finds it amazing to think how quickly the year has gone. But for me a lot has happened, this time last year seems so much further away.

Ms T is a great friend. She has been amazing to me and my family. I am very grateful to her. So this post is dedicated to her.

Thanks for being there.

What is the point of this blog?

Blogs should have themes. I read that somewhere. So what is my theme? I think it is going to be constantly changing. And I already have more than one theme. Hmmm not great but i never said this was going to be a great blog! At the moment the themes are:

1) To help others going through pPROM. I hope the pPROM section of my blog (from May to July 2010) helps other women looking for pPROM stories.

2) To help me remember my pregnancy with Orson. I don't want to forget any of it.

3) To help me. I will use this blog to record my views, feelings, opinions, ramblings... In fact anything I fancy. Some of my entries will no doubt be serious, some mundane and others trivial.

As I said in my last entry I have been looking at other blogs. I never knew there were so many. One I came across is The Baby Plan. Ms Baby Plan asked her readers to answer at least one of eight questions she posed. I'm answering two.

1. Who inspires you? Lots and lots of people... Sticking with a pPROM theme I will say women who have been through the loss of a baby due to pPROM and go on to have another pregnancy afterwards. I have heard many stories on forums and blogs. I understand how terrified they must be, but they show me that maybe it is possible.

Would I cope without chocolate? (Image:Suet Iman/FreeDigitalPhotos.net)

2. How do you relax in this hectic world? This answer falls into that trivial category I mentioned earlier. I relax by watching tv, eating nice food including chocolate (I don't know how I would cope without chocolate!) and playing with M. There is nothing like watching a two year old laugh to make you happy.

pPROM Blogs

I added a new page to my blog at the weekend listing lots of pPROM blogs I have found. I had never heard of pPROM before it happened to me. I suppose that is common as it is so rare, I think it happens in 2 - 3 % of pregnancies. And then of course it happens a lot later when the baby has more of a chance. But it has surprised me just how many women who have experienced pPROM write blogs.

I hope that anyone who is currently going through pPROM might find the new pPROM blogs page useful. I would also recommend looking at the web links I have listed too. The Kanalen site is very useful with lots of stories of pPROM successes and losses. The forums I list are also great too. I found it really useful to meet other women going through pPROM at the same time as me. I still find them a great help.